AMA's: The good, bad and the ugly

Last night, musicians flocked to the Nokia Theater in Los Angeles for the American Music Awards. It was a night that could easily be forgotten like all AMA's.

Best Performance

Hands down Katy Perry. Any time she performs without back tracking is a highlight of an award show. Perry performed an acoustic version of her new single "The One That Got Away" with her pink guitar that matched her pink dress and pink Bruno Mars-styled hairdo. She sang and played a song. That's rare. She even won a special award for the first female to have five number one songs on a record.

See what happens when you sing and play an instrument? Good karma follows you.

Worse Performance

Nicki Minaj.

Hon, we can all get up on a stage and sing over ourselves. The only thing that separates you from us is that you can't paid millions of dollars to do it. The award show kicked off with Minaj in Gaga-esque attire--instead of a sparkling bra, she had sparkling butt cheeks. Very original. Very Gaga. The infamous backtrack made its first apperances last night just three seconds into the show where Minaj failed to sing. Instead, she sang over her own track and chose to sing only half of her songs.

Because it's extremely hard to sing a chorus. So hard that you need a backtrack as you stand up there dancing to it.


Longest time for someone to accept an award

Nick Minaj.

The lip syncer took a good minute to walk from backstage to the center of the stage to accept her award for Rap/Hip Hop artist. She slowly scuttled her way in a emerald green dress, extremely high heels and an escort attached to her arm. If that show delayed the networks next scheduled program, it was because of Nicki Minaj.

The awkward moment when...

Adam Levine and Christina Aguilera are forced to sing together.

The two singers don't like each other, to say the least, from working on "The Voice" together. They mustered up the courage to sing their song "Moves Like Jagger" with each not sending awkward tension into the air so strong, viewers at home could feel it.

People too good for the award show

Country band The Band Perry and Kelly Clarkson.

Clarkson basically flipped the bird when she hired The Newsies to announce all the "scandal" the press has given her (if she's gay or straight, if her album is pop or country). She sang her new single "Mr. Know It All" in 40s-styled attire and set.  And then The Band Perry sang their smash hit "If I Die Young," receiving a standing ovation from the crowd. This could either be the result of two things 1) They were just plain amazing. 2) They came after Justin Beiber's snoozefest performance of "Mistletoe."

The other awkward moment when...

LMFAO closed the show by singing "Party Rock Anthem/ I'm Sexy and I know It," ripping off their pants to reveal their smiley faced underwear. It was decent and fun, but then everything was ruined when Bieber made another apperances by running on stage and dancing. If that was awkward, well, leave it to David Hasselhoff to take off his pants.

Only in Germany can you pull that off Hoff.

Night's Biggest Winners

Good, bad or ugly, Taylor Swift, Adele and everyone's favorite drunken lip syncer Nicki Minaj won big. Continuing her winning streak, Swift won Country Female Artist, Country Album and the night's highest honor, Artist of the Year. Unfortunately, Adele wasn't able to accept her awards for Pop/Rock Artist, Adult Contemporary Artist and Pop/Rock album on an account that she's recovery from throat surgery. And Minaj, barely sober during the whole show, won Rap/Hip Hop Artist and Rap/Hip Hop Album.  

Thank you Katy Perry for your music videos

The art of a music video is to bring your lyrics and melodies to life in the same way a movie brings a screenplay/novel to life.

Sounds simple, right? Then why are there so many music videos out there that don't follow this simple concept?

We have gotten over the horrendous '80s phase with musicians dancing around in front of a plain white screen. That might sound boring, but don't forget their Flock of Seagulls hairdos, overuse of Aquanet, and their hideous  '80s attire to the video. Not story structure. Just people singing their song in horrible fashion.

Michael Jackson started the whole thing when he made a five hour, I mean, 14 minute long music video, to his hit song "Thriller." It was everything a music video should be. It made the song a story, a move--a music video.

 As much as I love Lady GaGa and thought her music video to "Telephone" was pure genius (minus the ad placements), her videos have gotten so far off track that it scares me. The video doesn't tell a story, it's not a mini movie to her songs, so what's the point? Still to this day, the absolutely worse music video is Fall Out Boy's "Sugar, We're Going Down," a song about jealousy. So they have a guy with antlers who likes a girl. This all happens when the band flies around all over place, playing guitar.

If one artist does music videos right today, surprisingly, it's Katy Perry...with the exception of "California Gurls." Today, she just released her music video to her new single "The One That Got Away," and shocker, it tells a story. An older Perry remembers the one that got away, flashing back to when she was younger and dating a boy. Not only does it tell a story, the cinematography resembles an indie film, which is always a plus.

"The One That Got Away" isn't the only well done music video Perry's made. Videos like "Thinking of You," "Teenage Dream," "Firework," and even the weird "E.T." all have to do with the lyrics in the song. "Thinking of You" references a couple scenes from the movie "The Notebook," but tells a story about Perry missing her boyfriend who is in the army around WW II. "Teenage Dream"  jas Perry and her music video boyfriend riding in a car, hanging out with a couple teenagers. "Firework" shows Perry singing about troubles, alternating back from her and kids having a hard time with their home lives...plus her bra that shoots out fireworks.

And then there's "E.T." (extra terrestrial), which has Perry as an alien. Not the best story structure, but at least her song wasn't about an alien and then in the video, she walks around with antlers.

No product placement, no bizarre scenes symbolizing rebirth like in GaGa's "Born This Way." Just a simple video that bring the songs to life visually. That's all people want. No antlers. Just a story.

Long story short, thank you Katy Perry and to your music video directors. You do music videos right. Keep it up.

Nickelback to ruin Detroit's Thanksgiving

Nothing says “Happy Thanksgiving” like a table filled with America’s favorite feasting foods, reuniting with your favorite dysfunctional family members and hearing the sweet sounds of Nickelback, serenading you as you munch away on a plateful of turkey.

That’s how Detroit might celebrate Thanksgiving, at least. Just when you thought sitting with your family and/or your in-laws was bad, the Motor City found a different way to torture you on the holidays.

The band known for their overplayed music and horrendous voices, that make Rebecca Black and Miley Cyrus sound like Celine Dion and Whitney Houston, are not occupying Wall Street, but plan on occupying Detroit’sThanksgiving game half time show.

Come on, Detroit. You’re already known for being the worst team in football history (once upon a time), your 0-16 record engraved on the Pro Football Hall of Fame for the rest of eternity. You really need to punish your 6-2 team and your excited fans with Nickelback? Really? Do you have ears? Go out and celebrate that awesome record with.

Fans are so upset, they are signing an online petition to have the Lions boot the band back to Canada.

Can’t you please your city with Eminem, Kid Rock, Bob Seger, Alice Cooper or show a little respect with Aretha Franklin?

This is America. Nickelback doesn’t even celebrate Thanksgiving! Reason 23135 why they should come.

Maybe Baby Jesus will bless the city with an early Christmas miracle. Let’s celebrate America with football, food and good music—with a band that actually celebrates Thanksgiving and that doesn't sound like an elephant slowly dying.

The Maury Show: The Justin Bieber and Taylor Swift edition

Just in a couple days of each other, celebrity good girl and good boy have rumors circling around them.

Maury asked Justin if he was the father of a four month old baby, claimed by a 20 year old fan, Mariah Yeater. Of course, he said no--or tweeted it.

It is the 21st century after all.

What happens in the Staple Center, stays in the Staple Center...sometimes. Yeater claims she and Justin had a thing after one of his shows last year and now claims he his the father of her baby.

She is taking legal action against him, demanding that he take a paternity test.


Yeater pulled a January Jones. Not only did she leave the father's name blank on the birth certificate, she's claiming a successful celebrity (who just so happens to have release his Christmas CD yesterday) is the father of her baby--like how the press thinks Ashton Kutcher (who just so happens to be Charlie Sheen's replacement on "Two and a Half Men") is the father of Jones' baby.

Because Bliebers, the way to Justin's heart is to announce to the world he is the father of your baby. Yeah, he'll get right on that.

Justin tweeted, "So I'm going to ignore the rumors...and focus on what is real. an opportunity to help by doing what i love. Judge me on the music! Love yall!"

Don't worry, Justin. Your fans belieb you.

Wonder how his girlfriend Selena Gomez feels. He did, after all, rent out the Staples Center so the two could watch Rose letting go of Jack. Guess the Staples Center is his wingman.

And then there is Taylor Swift who may or may not have pulled a Vanessa Hutchins. Over the weekend, Celebrity Jihad posted a nude photo of the country singer. The site is known for being a little bizarre. It says its a satirical website, given a disclaimer on the page.  Despite Swift threatening to take legal action against the site, Celebrity Jihad still has the photo up, but will only take it down under one condition.

If Swift converts to Islam, and if she sacrifices a goat and "devour its entrails."

It's like The Onion gone wrong.

Swift is currently on tour, wearing kitten shirts and singing songs with no profanity in them. Her monologue song for her first ever hosting gig on SNL was about how she loves things that smell like winter and glitter. Singing songs about Joe Jonas and John Mayer are the most scandalous things she has done.

Guess you're not considered a celebrity until someone starts a rumor about you. Welcome to Hollywood.

10 Worst Christmas Songs

It's Nov. 1, and to you it either means
A. All Saint's Day
B. the first day of November
C. the start of Christmas season!

The majority of people hate other people who start listening to Christmas music right after Halloween, when pumpkin seeds are still fresh from the oven, when costumes are still lying on the floor, and when pumpkins are still sitting on the porch. Instead of tossing you into the joys of the best season of the year, how about we take the time to recognize Christmas' worst music.

Believe it or not, there's a lot of it. So for all you Scrooges out there, let's celebrate the worst of Christmas as we clean up our house's from Halloween.

10. "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" by anyone who sings it.

A song about an old, gray, bearded man who loves children and knows they are sleeping, he knows when they're awake, and he knows when they've been bad or good. Chris Hansen should be all over this song because this dude is apparently coming to town, so you better hide your kids...

9. "Christmas Shoes" by NewSong

Ah. Nothing says a season of joy like "Christmas Shoes," a song about a boy who wants to buy a pair of shoes for his dying mother on Christmas Eve. If that doesn't put you in the Christmas spirit, then I don't know what does. Not only is the song completely ruined by a group of children singing, it will kill any kind of Christmasy buzz you might have. Daddy says there's not much time, you see, Mommy's been sick for quite a while and I know these shoes will make her smile because the boy wants her to look beautiful before she meets Jesus tonight.

Merry Christmas from NewSong!

8. "Frosty the Snowman" by anyone who sings it.

I think it's creepy that the snowman in my backyard came to life one day. Now I know how that kid from the depressing Christmas movie "Jack Frost" felt when his Frosty the Snowman came to life with Michael Keaton's voice. How come that song wasn't the theme for the movie? Who knows. Just when you thanked baby Jesus for warm weather and that creepy snowman following you, just remember, he'll back again some day.

7. "Santa Baby" by anyone who sings the song.

There is an unwritten rule that if you sing "Santa Baby" you have to sing it in your whiniest, obnoxious voice possible. If you're a guy, sing it raspy. If you're a girl, sing it slutty. What makes the song even worse is if a guy sings it like the band Everclear. It's already horrible when I woman sings it because all you can think about is how much she wants some lovin' and it makes you feel dirty. Christmas is about giving and the birth of Jesus. Not how much you want Santa.

6. "Linus and Lucy"

This song doesn't have any words and it's one of the most obnoxious Christmas songs. No jingle bells or ho ho hos, just a fast piano part that has nothing to do with Christmas, except the fact it was in a Charlie Brown Christmas movie.

5. "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" by anyone who sings it

...and hide your wives...

Hopefully Daddy signed a prenup because Santa is getting with Mommy. What's up with all these moms wanting Santa? See parents, this is why your kids won't go to sleep on Christmas Eve. They know weird stuff is happening under that mistletoe.

4. "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer" by anyone who sings it.

...and hide your grandmas...

Santa is seriously out of control. And who in their right mind would make poor Grandma walk home in the freezing cold when she's obviously drunk off eggnog? This song is the peppy version of the "Christmas Shoes."

3. "Feliz Navidad" by anyone who sings it.

I'm sure the republicans hate this song too, "this is America! Learn English." It's not because the half the song is in Spanish, it's because this song is just that annoying. Why? Simple. When they aren't speaking Spanish, all they're singing is "I want to wish you a merry Christmas from the bottom of my heart." Thanks, but no thanks. If you want to wish me a merry Christmas, freaking sing a better song. This song just makes me want to go out and by the new Justin Bieber Christmas album because I'm sure that's even better than this song.

2. "I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas" by that obnoxious kid

My ears. The kid clearly isn't in his church's choir. The song doesn't need any explanation why it's horrible. Just listen to it. I bet you won't finish it. Parents, just when you think and iPad was bad...

1. "Hula Hoop" by The Chipmunks

It's the song that defaces all Christmas music, a song that makes Jesus roll in his grave, and a song that the radio feels to play every other song. Because if you can't stand a minute of just watching the Chipmunks on TV, they have a song that will make you want to guzzling down Grandma's eggnog (just don't walk home or Santa will run over you). The noise, the voices, and what the hell are they saying and why hasn't anyone put a cork in their mouths? That's what I want for Christmas. Screw the Christmas shoes and the hippo, give me three corks!

Maybe without these songs, people would enjoy Christmas music more.