Friday and Rebecca Black not bi winning

Do you wish you can find a way for you not to look forward to Friday?

Well, good news. There is a song out there that will make you officially hate the most beloved day of the week.

It's called "Friday" by Rebecca Black. And if you don't know what order the days of the week are, the 13-year-old will help remind you in the song. Kind of like how Gwen Stefani taught the world how to spell bananas and Fergie taught us how to spell her name. Rebecca Black is teaching the world (someone has to if the government is anti-education). See, this what happens when you ruin those teacher unions. You have Rebecca Black teaching life's fundamentals. "Yesterday was Thursday. Today is Friday. Tomorrow is Saturday, and Sunday comes afterwards." Thank you, Rebecca! To me figuring out what day of the week is like solving those exponential equations that I hate so much. Now I can sleep at night.

Black is a songwriting felon. I just listed ways NOT to write a song, and she goes out and does everything I said not to. Maybe she doesn't understand the concept of bolded words. From the wise words of Charlie Sheen, this video is not winning, and her songwriting is bi losing.

"Seven a.m., waking up in the morning. Gotta be fresh, gotta go downstairs, gotta have my bowl, gotta have cereal. Seeing everything, the time is going ticking on and on, everybody’s rushing. Gotta get down to the bus stop. Gotta catch my bus, I see my friend."

Great lyrical rhythm.
 
"7:45, we’re driving on the highway cruising so fast, I want time to fly. Fun, fun, think about fun. You know what it is."

No, I don't, and nowhere in the song do you ever tell us what "it" is.

And then she sings "we    so excited" about five times. Rebecca, use a verb please.                            ^(insert verb here). If you're teaching the world, we have to know verbs too. Thanks.


Then to make it worse, some random rapper comes in and doesn't sing about Friday. Yes, Jesus answered my prayers. But instead, the rapper talks about speeding in the fast lane and passing by the school bus that I'm guessing Rebecca waited for at the bus stop before she saw her friend. And how is that relevant to how much fun Fridays are?

Fun, fun, fun, fun.

If you have not checked out the revolutionary song that might top all of the Lennon/McCartney songs combined, and the video that is 2011's  new "Telephone," (except minus GaGa, Beyonce, and those honey buns) check it out. You will never be the same, and this will not make your Friday a "Bi winning Friday."
 
DISCLAIMER:
You will hate Fridays.

Enjoy.

                   

Let's talk...how NOT to write a song in 10 easy steps

Are you a songwriter? In a band? Or just like to throw words with melodies?

Wonderful!

Writing a song is simple. Jot down a couple of lines, throw in some clever rhymes, add at least three chords. There, you have yourself a song. But writing a GOOD song is difficult, and only a handful of people can achieve this. Sadly, a lot of  times, those good songs are never discovered, and we're stuck listening to that stuff on the radio.

So how should you not write a song? How to stand out from the crowd? Simple.

1. Don't express your love for your favorite sports team and title the song "Color One and Color Two" and have those colors sung over and over again and call it the chorus. Great that you have team pride, but we don't want to hear it in a song.

2. Don't ask what your name is. 1. You should already know the answer...Rihanna. 2. Why?...just why make a song out of it?

Don't have your singing partner ask you to solve a math problem pertaining to square roots, and then he tells you he can't figure it out. Great, and the point of having that in your song is...? (the square root of 69 is 8.3 if you really need to know...Jimmy. Aubrey Graham. Drake)

3. Don't describe something as woe. ex: "She's got a love like woe. I kinda feel like it don't make sense..." You're right. It doesn't make sense.

4. When you write a song, you should not be taking the time to toast to the douche bags. Just don't run up on stage and ruin Taylor Swift's moment and you're good. Problem solved.

5. Don't use an already bad 80s song as the chorus, and for the verses you write a horrible rap, add synthesizers, and then call it "the dirty bit."

6. Don't use "bow chicka wow wow" as part of your lyrics AND title of your song. It's not cool in spoken word, and it's definitely not a way to bring home a lady, guys. Even if you look like Mike Posner, have Lil' Wayne by your side or play it on a guitar, you're not going to get a girl that way. Buy roses or something else.

7. Don't repeat a syllable of a word a million times during the chorus. Umbrella ella ella ay ay ay.or OH OH OH OH-OH my god, I think I have a migrane.

8. Can we pretend like airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars?....No all Facebook users and Hayley Williams. Follow the rules, it's a shooting star. Wishing on a airplane instead of a shooting star is basically saying, "I'm too lazy to wait around for one every 10 minutes. Let's wish on the next best thing that flies across the sky." You are not the only exception...sorry Hayls. Be patient.

9. Learn English. I'm a writing minor and sometimes typos slip up, it's ok, we all make mistakes. But intentional typos? Really?

• "Saying blah blah blah 'cause I don't care who you are in this bar, it only matter who I is."
• "And yes of course we does we runnin this town just like a club..."
• "I kinda feel like it don't make sense..."

 I like Ke$ha, don't get me wrong, and I know two of these are directed towards her (this is what happens when you throw Ke$ha, Dr. Luke and her songwriting posse together). But...let's use the right words, you know, sound like you got a 1500 on you SATs. I know you have the smarts in you, Ke$ha. Show it!

10. Please, please, please DON'T use shorty/shawty. It's worse than hearing long, sharp nails sliding down a chalkboard.

I don't understand pop music.