Let's talk...how NOT to write a song in 10 easy steps

Are you a songwriter? In a band? Or just like to throw words with melodies?

Wonderful!

Writing a song is simple. Jot down a couple of lines, throw in some clever rhymes, add at least three chords. There, you have yourself a song. But writing a GOOD song is difficult, and only a handful of people can achieve this. Sadly, a lot of  times, those good songs are never discovered, and we're stuck listening to that stuff on the radio.

So how should you not write a song? How to stand out from the crowd? Simple.

1. Don't express your love for your favorite sports team and title the song "Color One and Color Two" and have those colors sung over and over again and call it the chorus. Great that you have team pride, but we don't want to hear it in a song.

2. Don't ask what your name is. 1. You should already know the answer...Rihanna. 2. Why?...just why make a song out of it?

Don't have your singing partner ask you to solve a math problem pertaining to square roots, and then he tells you he can't figure it out. Great, and the point of having that in your song is...? (the square root of 69 is 8.3 if you really need to know...Jimmy. Aubrey Graham. Drake)

3. Don't describe something as woe. ex: "She's got a love like woe. I kinda feel like it don't make sense..." You're right. It doesn't make sense.

4. When you write a song, you should not be taking the time to toast to the douche bags. Just don't run up on stage and ruin Taylor Swift's moment and you're good. Problem solved.

5. Don't use an already bad 80s song as the chorus, and for the verses you write a horrible rap, add synthesizers, and then call it "the dirty bit."

6. Don't use "bow chicka wow wow" as part of your lyrics AND title of your song. It's not cool in spoken word, and it's definitely not a way to bring home a lady, guys. Even if you look like Mike Posner, have Lil' Wayne by your side or play it on a guitar, you're not going to get a girl that way. Buy roses or something else.

7. Don't repeat a syllable of a word a million times during the chorus. Umbrella ella ella ay ay ay.or OH OH OH OH-OH my god, I think I have a migrane.

8. Can we pretend like airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars?....No all Facebook users and Hayley Williams. Follow the rules, it's a shooting star. Wishing on a airplane instead of a shooting star is basically saying, "I'm too lazy to wait around for one every 10 minutes. Let's wish on the next best thing that flies across the sky." You are not the only exception...sorry Hayls. Be patient.

9. Learn English. I'm a writing minor and sometimes typos slip up, it's ok, we all make mistakes. But intentional typos? Really?

• "Saying blah blah blah 'cause I don't care who you are in this bar, it only matter who I is."
• "And yes of course we does we runnin this town just like a club..."
• "I kinda feel like it don't make sense..."

 I like Ke$ha, don't get me wrong, and I know two of these are directed towards her (this is what happens when you throw Ke$ha, Dr. Luke and her songwriting posse together). But...let's use the right words, you know, sound like you got a 1500 on you SATs. I know you have the smarts in you, Ke$ha. Show it!

10. Please, please, please DON'T use shorty/shawty. It's worse than hearing long, sharp nails sliding down a chalkboard.

I don't understand pop music.