The Maury Show: The Justin Bieber and Taylor Swift edition

Just in a couple days of each other, celebrity good girl and good boy have rumors circling around them.

Maury asked Justin if he was the father of a four month old baby, claimed by a 20 year old fan, Mariah Yeater. Of course, he said no--or tweeted it.

It is the 21st century after all.

What happens in the Staple Center, stays in the Staple Center...sometimes. Yeater claims she and Justin had a thing after one of his shows last year and now claims he his the father of her baby.

She is taking legal action against him, demanding that he take a paternity test.


Yeater pulled a January Jones. Not only did she leave the father's name blank on the birth certificate, she's claiming a successful celebrity (who just so happens to have release his Christmas CD yesterday) is the father of her baby--like how the press thinks Ashton Kutcher (who just so happens to be Charlie Sheen's replacement on "Two and a Half Men") is the father of Jones' baby.

Because Bliebers, the way to Justin's heart is to announce to the world he is the father of your baby. Yeah, he'll get right on that.

Justin tweeted, "So I'm going to ignore the rumors...and focus on what is real. an opportunity to help by doing what i love. Judge me on the music! Love yall!"

Don't worry, Justin. Your fans belieb you.

Wonder how his girlfriend Selena Gomez feels. He did, after all, rent out the Staples Center so the two could watch Rose letting go of Jack. Guess the Staples Center is his wingman.

And then there is Taylor Swift who may or may not have pulled a Vanessa Hutchins. Over the weekend, Celebrity Jihad posted a nude photo of the country singer. The site is known for being a little bizarre. It says its a satirical website, given a disclaimer on the page.  Despite Swift threatening to take legal action against the site, Celebrity Jihad still has the photo up, but will only take it down under one condition.

If Swift converts to Islam, and if she sacrifices a goat and "devour its entrails."

It's like The Onion gone wrong.

Swift is currently on tour, wearing kitten shirts and singing songs with no profanity in them. Her monologue song for her first ever hosting gig on SNL was about how she loves things that smell like winter and glitter. Singing songs about Joe Jonas and John Mayer are the most scandalous things she has done.

Guess you're not considered a celebrity until someone starts a rumor about you. Welcome to Hollywood.

10 Worst Christmas Songs

It's Nov. 1, and to you it either means
A. All Saint's Day
B. the first day of November
C. the start of Christmas season!

The majority of people hate other people who start listening to Christmas music right after Halloween, when pumpkin seeds are still fresh from the oven, when costumes are still lying on the floor, and when pumpkins are still sitting on the porch. Instead of tossing you into the joys of the best season of the year, how about we take the time to recognize Christmas' worst music.

Believe it or not, there's a lot of it. So for all you Scrooges out there, let's celebrate the worst of Christmas as we clean up our house's from Halloween.

10. "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" by anyone who sings it.

A song about an old, gray, bearded man who loves children and knows they are sleeping, he knows when they're awake, and he knows when they've been bad or good. Chris Hansen should be all over this song because this dude is apparently coming to town, so you better hide your kids...

9. "Christmas Shoes" by NewSong

Ah. Nothing says a season of joy like "Christmas Shoes," a song about a boy who wants to buy a pair of shoes for his dying mother on Christmas Eve. If that doesn't put you in the Christmas spirit, then I don't know what does. Not only is the song completely ruined by a group of children singing, it will kill any kind of Christmasy buzz you might have. Daddy says there's not much time, you see, Mommy's been sick for quite a while and I know these shoes will make her smile because the boy wants her to look beautiful before she meets Jesus tonight.

Merry Christmas from NewSong!

8. "Frosty the Snowman" by anyone who sings it.

I think it's creepy that the snowman in my backyard came to life one day. Now I know how that kid from the depressing Christmas movie "Jack Frost" felt when his Frosty the Snowman came to life with Michael Keaton's voice. How come that song wasn't the theme for the movie? Who knows. Just when you thanked baby Jesus for warm weather and that creepy snowman following you, just remember, he'll back again some day.

7. "Santa Baby" by anyone who sings the song.

There is an unwritten rule that if you sing "Santa Baby" you have to sing it in your whiniest, obnoxious voice possible. If you're a guy, sing it raspy. If you're a girl, sing it slutty. What makes the song even worse is if a guy sings it like the band Everclear. It's already horrible when I woman sings it because all you can think about is how much she wants some lovin' and it makes you feel dirty. Christmas is about giving and the birth of Jesus. Not how much you want Santa.

6. "Linus and Lucy"

This song doesn't have any words and it's one of the most obnoxious Christmas songs. No jingle bells or ho ho hos, just a fast piano part that has nothing to do with Christmas, except the fact it was in a Charlie Brown Christmas movie.

5. "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" by anyone who sings it

...and hide your wives...

Hopefully Daddy signed a prenup because Santa is getting with Mommy. What's up with all these moms wanting Santa? See parents, this is why your kids won't go to sleep on Christmas Eve. They know weird stuff is happening under that mistletoe.

4. "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer" by anyone who sings it.

...and hide your grandmas...

Santa is seriously out of control. And who in their right mind would make poor Grandma walk home in the freezing cold when she's obviously drunk off eggnog? This song is the peppy version of the "Christmas Shoes."

3. "Feliz Navidad" by anyone who sings it.

I'm sure the republicans hate this song too, "this is America! Learn English." It's not because the half the song is in Spanish, it's because this song is just that annoying. Why? Simple. When they aren't speaking Spanish, all they're singing is "I want to wish you a merry Christmas from the bottom of my heart." Thanks, but no thanks. If you want to wish me a merry Christmas, freaking sing a better song. This song just makes me want to go out and by the new Justin Bieber Christmas album because I'm sure that's even better than this song.

2. "I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas" by that obnoxious kid

My ears. The kid clearly isn't in his church's choir. The song doesn't need any explanation why it's horrible. Just listen to it. I bet you won't finish it. Parents, just when you think and iPad was bad...

1. "Hula Hoop" by The Chipmunks

It's the song that defaces all Christmas music, a song that makes Jesus roll in his grave, and a song that the radio feels to play every other song. Because if you can't stand a minute of just watching the Chipmunks on TV, they have a song that will make you want to guzzling down Grandma's eggnog (just don't walk home or Santa will run over you). The noise, the voices, and what the hell are they saying and why hasn't anyone put a cork in their mouths? That's what I want for Christmas. Screw the Christmas shoes and the hippo, give me three corks!

Maybe without these songs, people would enjoy Christmas music more.

Jack is Back

No, not Jack Dawson. Jack's Mannequinn.

It's been four years since the piano-rock band released an album, but the band is back with the same great music.

The third album is called "People and Things" and if you like the two previous albums, you will definitely like the third album. It doesn't top their first album "Everything in Transit," but lead singer Andrew McMahon never fails to impress. The albums first single "My Racing Thoughts" hit the internet over the summer when McMahon performed it on the band's summer tour. The song is just like all other Jack's Mannequin songs, piano rock, upbeat with beautiful lyrics only McMahon can think of.

But McMahon spiced up the album with a couple different songs you wouldn't suspect Jack's Mannequin to make. "No Man is an Island" is a slower piano ballad with a gospel beat, crooning about relationships.

Like all the songs in the album, the songs dives into deeper meanings than the previous two. Back in 2005, McMahon was diagnosed with leukemia right when their first album was supposed to come out. In their second album, "The Glass Passenger," many songs referenced doctors and hospital visits. "People and Things" talks about life and death (especially the song "Hey Hey Hey (We're All Gonna Die), a surprisingly upbeat song about death). It's deals with more profound topics than teenage angst like in "Everything in Transit."

One of best songs on the album is a song that sounds like something Mumford and Sons would sing. "Restless Dream" that songs a bit like Bob Dylan acoustic guitar playing. Jack's Mannequin is known for their piano melodies, but "Restless Dream" is one of the only Jack's Mannequin songs that has no piano in it, not even a chord. Strictly acoustic guitar while McMahon talks about an nostalgic letter he writes.

Piano or guitar, "People and Things" delivers. It's worth the wait for Jack's Mannequin fans, and again, McMahon is a songwriting God. He never fails.

Let's talk...the disaster also known as the VMA's

The VMA's are known to be a little "out there." Maybe Kayne didn't interrupt anyone (but Katy Perry sure put him in his place), but the 2011 Video Music Awards were, um, trippy and just plain bad.

Seriously, was there anyone there who wasn't on drugs? The special effects experienced an acid trip. What did Kevin Hart say in the opening? Lady GaGa was a dude, people voted for Britney Spears over Adele, the same people voted for the Foo Fighters over Foster the People, The Black Keys and Mumford & Sons. GaGa gave Britney a special award and said SHE looked up to HER. Nicki Minaj tried so hard (and failed) to be GaGa (who was MIA 'cause she was a dude) and Justin Bieber thought he looked good in those glasses.

And Katy Perry wore a cheddar cheese cube on her head...because, well, we all have that moment in life where we wear are favorite cheese flavors on our head.

Hey Katy, Wisconsin called. They want their cheese back.

Award That Resembled the Whole Esperanza Spalding Grammy Incident

Best New Artist:
Wiz Khalifa
Foster the People
Some dude with Chris Brown
Random Crazy Chick
And some creator

The winner is...Wiz Khalifa. Foster the People. The creator dude...oh, TYLER, the Creator. Ok, who the hell are you? What have you sung? And why are you wearing a tie-dye T-shirt with a cat on it?

Best Performance

Adele.

Why? Simple. You could understand what she was saying. When Kayne and Jay-Z came out, I think they needed to invest in some closed captions because everything they were rapping sounded like a mumbled mess. Chris Brown didn't even sing, as usual, and Jessie J was confined to the chair the whole night.

Adele has a voice of an angel. Compare it to Kayne's performance, then Adele, Kayne. Adele. You'll hear the difference.

Best Example of Why Choice Awards Are Not Always Pleasurable to Watch

Britney Spears beat out Adele and Bruno Mars.

How many times do we have to say that Britney Spears has absolutely no talent? She doesn't write her songs, she doesn't sing, she doesn't play any instruments, and I'm almost positive she doesn't even know what a treble clef is. We are giving awards to a woman who lip syncs, uses auto-tune, has the voice of a chipmunk, who attempts to dance (and fails like Nicki Minaj in her...whatever she was wearing). It's like awarding bad behavior. Would a mother give her kid a cookie after they finger painted the walls? No? Ok, stop giving her Moonmen.


Best "I Secretly Hate You But the Cameras Are On Me So I Have To Pretend Like I Don't" Moment


Katy Perry and Kayne accepting Best Collaboration.

Let's take a trip down memory lane.

It's September 2009, and Kayne West just interrupted Taylor Swift's speech. "Yo, Taylor..." (with that creepy, awkward hairdo that screams douche bag (hence, toast to the douche bags song))...and the rest is history.

Katy Perry (along with the rest of America) takes to her Twitter account (because that's the modern way of showing how much you hate someone (like this blog)) and tweets, "F... u, Kayne. It's like you stepped on a kitten."

Flash-forward to last night, and Perry says, "Now, this is the time when you want to interrupt me, Kayne. Oh my goodness, it's nothing like your first Moonman, right?"

Kayne cowered in the corner, gave a sly smile and thanked God, Katy Perry and Chris Brown.

Own it, Mrs. Russell Brand America's Dairyland.

Best Moment So Awkward, It Makes Britney Seem Normal

Lady GaGa dressed as a dude with a major under bite.

When you make Britney, Queen of Scandalous Things at the VMA's (snakes around head, making out with Madonna, failed attempt at her comeback) THEN you know you should tone down the creepiness. So GaGa, nice try trying to hit on Britney. She's not having it. As Chris Crocker would say, "Leave Britney alone!" (for only this one time).

Best GaGa Wannabee

Nicki Minaj.

When you look like this >>> it's a sign that you are trying way too hard, Nicki. Keep the face mask on, lose everything else.

"Oh crap, I lost my stuffed animal. Have you seen it?"
"Yeah, Nicki Minaj is wearing it."

Best Biggest Hyped Performance That Lacked

Lil Wayne.

It started off great, until his second song when he bounced around the ground like a bunny, took off his shirt to reveal his droopy pants that needed to be hiked up (hey bud, you're not in jail anymore), and then gave us all the impression he was going to show off his awesome guitar skills. But instead, because this is the 2011 VMA's (where we recognized the problems with today's music), he tossed the guitar over his shoulder, air guitared it, then smashed it into shambles to symbolize the downfall of today's music.

So did you miss the 2011 VMA's? Well, there's everything you need to know about. Crossing fingers that the American Music Awards are better.

Taylor Swift sets future concert standards

Taylor Swift, how do you expect your fans to speak now when after every concert you leave them speechless?

If you were impressed with her first headlining world tour "Fearless," then you would be speechless after witnessing her second world tour "Speak Now." Taylor Swift out beat all her other concerts with more sets, costumes, dancer, instruments and even special effects. If you are iffy on Swift to begin with, the "Speak Now" tour will convert you.

Not only did she sound amazing, the show itself was unbelievable. Swift opened up with "Sparks Fly," got a little feisty for "Better than Revenge," and got a little sentimental on the piano in "Back to December," laced with "Apologize" by One Republic and her second album song "You're Not Sorry." The melancholic sounds actually made you sympathize with her. Her musicianship was so strong at the concert, you couldn't help but say, "Aw Tay Swift, we feel bad for you breaking Taylor Lautner's poor fragile heart."

Each song had it's own digital backdrop it help transform her song into a Broadway-esque show. Swift brought "Speak Now" to life with a wedding ceremony, which she crashed in order to "speak now." "Back to December" brought December to July with snow fluttering on screen and on stage.

Her voice was strong (stronger than what people at home hear when she sings on TV) and broaden her musical skills to multiple instruments such as guitar, piano, banjo and she even broke out the good ole ukulele for "Fearless" mixed with "Hey, Soul Sister" by Train. Those stuck on the opposite side of the stage got a great surprise when Swift walked through the floor from the main stage to the end stage decked out with a fiber-optic tree where she sang "Fearless," "Last Kiss" and "You Belong With Me." Fans stormed the floor, in hopes to catch a better view of the country singer. Then, just like what she does best, Swift hopped off the stage and hugged her fans on the other side of the floor, made her journey towards the main stage, and finished off "You Belong With Me."

Sparks flew when she sang "Dear John" (literally) as fireworks lit up the Quicken Loans arena to highlight her rage towards a certain singer named John. Then the stage settled down for a piano ballad and a chorus of strings for an intro to "Enchanted."

She dedicated "Long Live" to her fans before she came out for her encore. She went old school with "Fifteen," showing pictures of her band when they were fifteen and pictures of them now on the screen.

And if that wasn't enough to make the night the best night of the summer, Swift hopped on a little platform and hovered over her fans, making sure everyone got close to her even in the worse seats.

With great sets, props, intros into beloved songs, instruments and Taylor Swift herself, the "Speak Now" tour is definitely puts a new meaning to her lyrics "this night is flawless don't you let it go."

We were wonderstruck blushing all the way home.

When life gives you lemons, listen to music

Sometimes you wake up, and you already know the day is gonna suck. Sometimes people are just mean to you for no apparent reason. Sometimes you feel like your dreams and ambitions will stay dreams and ambitions instead of turning into your new life. Sometimes things just don't go your way.

So, you had a bad day....(and that's all I will ever quote from Daniel Powter's obnoxious song)...we've all been there. So instead moping and turning emo--because no one wants to be the emo kid in the group--reach for your headphones....or just remember, "Harry Potter" comes out this Friday, so life can't suck that bad, right?

Need a pick-me-up song? There are a billion out there. But I will suggest the 10 best ones--or the 10 that I listen to. 10 songs for 10 pick-me-up reasons. Heartbroken? Life sucks? Dreams shattered? Insecure? Don't want to grow up? There's a song for that.

10. "Mean" by Taylor Swift

Karma's a bitch, especially when you piss of Tay Swift.

9. "Unaware" by My Favorite Highway

For those who don't feel good enough.

8.  "Always Love" by Nada Surf

For those angry people who need to simmer down. Don't be a hater...make love not war.

7. "You're Making It Come Alive" by My Favorite Highway

Life is awesome...if you give it a chance.

6. "World Spins Madly On" by The Weepies

The title is pretty self explanatory.

5. "Wishing Well" by Airborne Toxic Event

Wanting more out of life?

4. "Lose Yourself" Eminem

Not really a pick-me-up so to speak, but more of a badass inspirational, go-out-and-get-what-you-want kind of song.

3. "Change" by Taylor Swift

If someone tells you you can't do something, listen to this song, get inspired, and prove them wrong. And if you want some extra pick-me-up power, do the Tay Swift hair flip.

2. "Fix You" by Coldplay

Chris Martin will try to fix you....for any kind of mood.

1. "Swim" by Jack's Mannequin

Just the perfect pick-me-up song for any kind of mood. And the musical god Andrew McMahon sings it so it gets extra points.

Just keep your head above, swim.

Andrew McMahon is a Musical God

How do you know you are a musical god? Simple.

1. You can pack in a couple hundred people in a 92 degree theater and not have anyone leave because it's too hot.

2. You play your Baldwin piano the majority of the concert, but you somehow are more entertaining than pop artists with pretentious sets. And you like to jump off your Baldwin occasionally to spice things up.

3. You use two microphones while sitting playing the piano. You're that amazing, one microphone isn't enough to capture all your talent.

4. You're the lead singer of Jack's Mannequin.

Andrew had people cheering for him while Lady Danville and Steel Train opened up for the band. Hundreds of people dripped sweat in the Omni Theater in Toledo to see one band, one piano and one mastermind behind the piano rock music. Tickets only cost $20, but the show could have fooled you into thinking it was worth more. And they didn't even need dancers, backgrounds or costume changes to do that.

Jack's Mannequin opened with "Annie Use Your Telescope," and played all of their well-loved songs that made the high leveled testosterone guys plow their way in the middle at their failed attempts to start a mosh pit. "Bruised," "The Mixed Tape," "Swim," and the one that seems like the crowd surfing induced, "Bloodshot," which even makes Andrew climb on top of his piano, dance around and then jump back on stage.

The band quickly felt the effects of the radiating heat. Drenched in sweat just like his audience, McMahon said that Toledo was the hottest show they ever had.

"It's hotter than the devil's armpit," McMahon told the crowd. "But we're going to fight through the heat."

And they did.

They surprised the audience with a couple new songs before mentioning that their third album will come out sometime in the fall after the three year wait since their second album "The Glass Passenger" came out in the fall of 2008.

The band ended the performance with "Made For Each Other/You Can Breathe." The crowd chanted, "one more song," and within two minutes, the band took their spots and played three more songs for an encore, including the ballad "Hammers and Strings," "Dark Blue" and "La La Lie" where McMahon ended the night playing his harmonica.

Tell me it doesn't take a supreme being to make a jammed pack, non air conditioned theater filled with hundreds of people forget about their stench, dehydration and profuse sweating and cause them to huddle even closer to the stage, jump to the beat of music, and walk out of the show saying, "God, that was amazing."

Only Jack's Mannequin.